Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so

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(845): I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so http://tfl.nu/bpeg

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?

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(919): Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/378f

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(650): View more from California

just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.

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(650): just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight. http://tfl.nu/nhc3

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh

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(330): I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh http://tfl.nu/7tof

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(847): View more from Illinois

so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

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(847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration". http://tfl.nu/m5rh

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.

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(307): Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt. http://tfl.nu/gd2e

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(334): View more from Alabama

Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.

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(334): Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its. http://tfl.nu/ucnl

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(434): View more from Virginia

I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.

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(434): I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME. http://tfl.nu/rn1v

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.

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(952): You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness. http://tfl.nu/88ay

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(330): View more from Ohio

It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.

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(330): It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop. http://tfl.nu/5ysk

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(647): View more from Ontario

The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.

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(647): The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus. http://tfl.nu/lyxj

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(972): View more from Texas

I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.

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(972): I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy. http://tfl.nu/nung

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(602): View more from Arizona

Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?

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(602): Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house? http://tfl.nu/arpl

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(250): View more from British Columbia

When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine

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(250): When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine http://tfl.nu/jea9

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(330): View more from Ohio

Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.

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(330): Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me. http://tfl.nu/bro7

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