before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
