Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
