I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
