exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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