It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
