I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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