dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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