So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
