turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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