i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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