It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
