weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
