Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
