I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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