I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
