We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
