What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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