I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
