I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
