dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
