It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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