no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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