what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
