Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
OPIZZABONMYDICK
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize