I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
