I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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