You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
