dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
