mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am available for nakedness
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
