Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
