He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
