My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
