I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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