While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
