I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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