i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
