saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
