Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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