its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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