Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
