My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How does it feel to date your dad?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
