One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
