Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
