Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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