paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
