My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Randomize
