i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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