As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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