i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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