Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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