Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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