At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and she was petting her beer can
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
