Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
