So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
