Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
