Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
