You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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