i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
