its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i came on her dog
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
