I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
