Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
