sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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