After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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