i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
