Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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