If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
