TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
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I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i think im in europe. pls send help
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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