He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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