what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
