My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
