so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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